There is no easy way to introduce this blog post. It’s 4:30am and it’s bank holiday Easter and I’m in no celebrating mood. Read the title. Enough said.
1. “People understand”: ohhh do ya now? People like to use the term understand to articulate their own meanings. “I understand you’re going through a hard time” “I understand that you’re upset right now” really? Do you actually understand or do you just know that I’m dealing with this and have every right to be upset. Because I don’t think you really understand. Not even if you’re going through the same thing or have had something similar happen. Grief and loss is very personal to an individual, but thanks for the wisdom that y’all understand mate.
2; People expect you to get over it: it’s been two months – oh of course, you should totally be fine now. Let’s all have a laugh and a joke like we’ve got no care in the world. Nah that’s okay. Life is shit and I’m going to stay this way for a while because there is a fucking hole in my heart where someone special has been ripped from me and this world 🙃 so yes. I think there will be many many days to come where I’m not rainbow and sunshine so gimme a fucking break.
3. People can be so optimistic it hurts. Obviously nobody wants to be sad forever. Time heals all wounds and all that crap but I personally don’t want to hear about how I will not always feel this way. That doesn’t help right now. Nothing helps right now. Just have to take it one day at a time and I’d rather do it in peace. So if you want to be there for me personally… please just sit there and say nothing.
4. People have no filter. Literally. That or people are so ignorant that they just sprout shit that comes out of their mouth without thinking and it makes you so mad because they aren’t even aware of what they’re saying, because obviously you and your problems are not the centre of attention which is fine but people should actually consider what they say and who they say it to. This leads onto my next and biggest point actually quite rightly:
5. Peoples lives go on. And this is one of the most brutally hurtful truths about grief and loss. Of course people will be there for you, but their lives will continue. And good things will happen to others, fun times and adventures to be had, and you will be left feeling like the world is just crapping on you left right and centre. But the unfortunate thing is, nobody will feel your grief, except for you. You can share your feelings with others but they won’t truly understand. They can’t. It’s impossible… and it really really hurts.
In short, I’m going to be selfish for a while. I don’t give two shits about the good things happening in your life right now because my life is in pieces 🤷♀️ Be patient with me. “I won’t always feel this way” But I think I deserve some time.
And thus concludes my ideology that we as a human race are actually really fricking selfish and death is the devil and life is so very cruel. The end.