Dear Diary: Pushing Out and Pulling Myself Up

Anxiety. What does that word mean to you?

The text book definition:

a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome

If I were to unpick that definition, I could tell you, broadly, it’s spot on.

Now, I can’t talk for anyone else who suffers with an anxiety disorder because everyone who suffers has different triggers and there are just so many different categories of anxiety; you’ve got OCD, GAD, Specific phobias, panic disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder, separation anxiety, situational anxiety, social anxiety… there is a whole load of anxiety disorders that can be listed and maybe even some that have not been categorised yet.

I personally don’t fall into one particular category. My anxiety has been caused by several different life events leading up to here and now. One reoccurring factor though, is this life-altering thing we all experience at least once in our lifetime, this is a term known as grief.

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Battling the blues


Merry Christmas Eve my lovelies, or you know, in exactly 40 minutes (at the time of writing this) MERRY CHRISTMAS ONE AND ALL.

Firstly, I have to apologise for the lack of #ChristmasCountdown posts this week. I’ve missed Thursday, Friday and technically today. I was so intent on getting these posts out no matter what but, this week was just a little too busy for me.

The lowdown, Thursday was my last day of work before Christmas so I was in a rush to get things done ready to set my out of office on. Friday, Conner returned from America so we went to pick him up at the airport and the rest of the day passed in a blur. Today has been gearing up ready for the festive day of tomorrow so it’s all just been a little hectic, and on top of that, my mood has been a little blue. Okay I lie. It’s been quite blue, practically black.

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Father’s Day: A painful reminder of what I (and others) live without.


June 19th 2016. Father’s Day. The day of honouring fathers, celebrating fatherhood, parental bonds and the influence of Fathers everywhere.

I was only made aware of Father’s Day this year by someone coming into work a few weeks ago asking me the good old question ‘when’s father’s day this year?’

I looked at him and cocked my head to the side and was a little stuck to answer because truth be told, I didn’t have a clue when Father’s Day was. I didn’t know it was rearing its ugly head again so soon. It felt like just yesterday we had the last one, so I stared at him and sort of shrugged my shoulders, ummed and ahhed and then thank god for the headsets, Dave answered my question and I was able to say ’19th June.’

And so yesterday was in fact, the 19th. I wrote this post yesterday morning, really early in the morning actually, but I never got round to posting it so I have managed to tweek it as if I wrote it today.

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RIP Alan Rickman

“Nothing gives me as much pleasure as travelling. I love getting on trains and boats and planes.” – Alan Rickman

Today, the world has been left in a state of shock and disbelief. The news broke that Alan Rickman, aged 69, has lost his fight to cancer.

Today, it is with great sadness that Alan Rickman has traveled to his final destination.

Heaven has gained another angel.

Of course, I came to know and love Alan Rickman for his amazing portrayal of the character Professor Snape from Harry Potter. There could not have been anyone cast better to bring such a unique literary hero to life.

He has touched the lives of so many individuals, that today, the world is in mourning and it is true, there are no words for such a loss.

I am writing this post in recognition of a truly great actor, an inspiring talent and a one of a kind individual.

Today I raise my wand for this wonderful human being as a thank you for reminding me that love and kindness are our greatest strengths.

To Alan Rickman, always.